Secret Recipe: Mariposa Dosas (Emerging from Liminality)

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A chrysalis is potential. It’s a powerful archetype of deep, lasting change, of utter transformation, of liminal states. You might think (as I did) that what happens inside a chrysalis is that the caterpillar grows longer legs, sprouts wings, and gradually changes shape from a caterpillar to a butterfly. But, shockingly, if you were to cut a chrysalis open, what you’d find is goo. The caterpillar melts down completely into this primordial soup of cells, which then miraculously re-arrange themselves into an entirely new form. Perhaps the most incredible part of that is that the butterfly somehow still retains the memories of its former life; it responds to learned stimuli in the same way. By breaking down completely, it doesn’t start an entirely new life. It carries on with a vastly different form of the same one. 

I try to remember that sometimes when I’m going through a difficult period of liminality. It’s okay to be goo. It’s okay to break down. Trust, in those difficult states, that change will come. It always does. Liminal spaces are terrifying, frustrating, and an opportunity. (This is coming from someone who hates the word “opportunity” anywhere near a painful experience - sometimes pain just feels like pain.) 

I’ve had a lot of practice in my life of adjusting to a new normal. I went from a healthy, active teenager to one riddled with strange symptoms and unable to eat nearly overnight. I grieved for a long time for my broken body, and I found solace in my art. I went to school to pursue my creative passions and once again got gravely ill. I was forced to drop out and come home, and as I slowly recovered I worked with a local herbalist to become more intimately acquainted with the incredible plants of the region. I found my art again and learned that my pace was much better suited to my own self-driven beat than to semesters and study weeks. Over and over illness has hit, forcing me to re-examine my life and my body. Transitions are painful. I have spent a lot of my life in the darkness that is constant, inescapable pain. I’m well acquainted with “the goo.” From one of the longest and worst periods of my life, I emerged as The Wondersmith. It took a near-death experience, an awful lot of pain, and the frustrated confusion of liminality and a cloudy future to drive me there. But oh how rewarding it has been!

Perhaps that’s why I felt so guided to connect on a deep level to my community during the isolation of the Pandemic. I know the pain of transitions, the fear of liminality… but I also know the wonders that can emerge when you run into a wall and just keep pushing until you break through, even when it feels like you’re not moving one bit. I predict that the isolation and lockdowns of the past year + have led to a lot of introspection for a lot of people. I don’t know exactly how, but I think that the world we re-emerge to and rebuild is going to be very different than the one we knew before. I hope it offers us all new perspectives. 

Here is the message I tell myself each time I am knocked back into the space of liminality: you do not need to solve this right now. You are allowed to grieve. You are allowed to hurt. You are allowed to feel frightened. All of your emotions are valid, and your timeline for processing these changes is your own.

When you do start to come to terms with the liminality we’ve all been pushed into, you may feel a weight lifting. That “things are somehow going to be okay” feeling will blanket you - sometimes just for a moment or two, sometimes longer. And then you will start to ask yourself the deep, rich questions that you don’t have time to ask when you are busy living your normal life. What do you truly want to do in life? What can you do now?

I’d like to issue an invitation to you: what capacity do you have right now to dive into something new? What is something you have always wanted to do but set aside over and over? What do you want to learn? If and when you are ready, I hope you will join me in leaning into this liminality, of finding the opportunities hidden in this challenge. There is a lot of room for reinvention in a society filled with change. Emergence, too, happens at your own pace. Some of us are there, flapping our wings in the summer sunlight. Others have emerged tenderly, clinging on to let their wings dry as they get their bearings before taking off. Some are still re-forming in the safety of a chrysalis. Wherever you are in this process, you are right where you need to be. 

Mariposa Dosa: 

I developed this recipe specifically for a Fairytale Gathering honoring the experience of gradually emerging from a global pandemic. It was called “Chrysalis,” and the ritualized gathering full of butterfly symbolism felt deeply meaningful both to design and create, and to share with a group of strangers that had stumbled upon my invitations hidden all over downtown Bend, OR. (If you’d like to see more about this event, you can do so here.) 

I wanted a hearty breakfast that spoke to the tender bravery of emerging from a chrysalis. It needed to be bright, colorful, flavorful, and delicious! This is what I came up with, and it’s a delight to be able to share it with you. Wild flavors and hearty textures of the local landscape are paired with bright traditional spices, all wrapped up in a soft butterfly wing pancake: the perfect way to start a new day.  Patrons, you can find this recipe right here.

Find the rest of this post and the Secret Recipe over on Patreon.com/thewondersmith!

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