Chasing Away The Clouds: Crabapple Bacon Jam with Tomato Soup Bread

Here I present to you the ULTIMATE grilled cheese: tomato soup bread, melty cheddar, and a crabapple and bacon jam to really take things up a notch!

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“You’ll have bad times, but it’ll always wake you up to the good stuff you weren’t paying attention to.” - Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting 

It does get better. If you are in that dark place right now, familiar or not, trust me when I say it does get better. This cloud will pass, or you will become accustomed to the storm. Perhaps you’ll find external help - in therapy, treatments, medication. (There is no shame in asking for a little wind to move that cloud along.) The cloud may roll back through again, but the next time you will be just a little bit stronger, a little more resilient. Suffering is part of being alive, but it is never forever, and the way you see the world on the other side will have more clarity, brightness, and pleasure than you could have ever imagined from those shadows! 

Be gentle with yourself when the clouds come rolling through. Remember that even the best athletes must rest when they get an injury; even the healthiest people must slow down when they get sick; and even the happiest person you know has had to take some quiet time to process something in their life. You do not have to do all, be all. When those clouds come, forgive yourself the shower you didn’t take or the meal you didn’t eat. Then, become your own caretaker. Deep down, you know what you need. Trust that. Then become it. 

Point out the glimmers of magic you see, like you would to a child that is sad and needs to remember the magic of swirling mud puddle post-stomp. Remind yourself of just how soothing a warm shower feels once you finally get in one. Start to think about the pleasures in life again. You deserve them!  When you can, get outside and breathe in the damp autumn air. Notice the dewdrops sparkling on vibrant leaves, soon to fall. Allow your mind to register the bounty that surrounds you; ornamental plantings dripping with overlooked fruits, there for the gathering. (Crabapples may be bitter, but with a little sweetness and patience they can turn into something delightful.) 

Feel into your other senses, too. Do you tend to stop eating when you are in stormy weather? Or perhaps you eat more, without really tasting what you absorb. Either way, give yourself permission to enjoy again, when you are ready. The feel of soft dough. The smell of fresh bread. The satisfaction of a grilled cheese sandwich dipped in tomato soup. A fall morning in a cool world, followed by a warm meal lovingly prepared as you listen to your favorite songs. (My favorite song for reminding me that its the ups and downs that make life incredible: “Hey Man” by the Eels.)  

Every day is a new day. Are you ready to allow that cloud to pass yet? If not, it’s okay. I trust you to know when the time is right. Allow me to just leave you with this reminder: you are made out of fallen stars, so you are precious. You are a part of nature, not disconnected from it, so you are unconditionally loved. You are alive and doing your best, so you are worthy. 

Crabapple Bacon Jam and Tomato Soup Grilled Cheese Sandwiches:

Tomato soup and grilled cheese. Cheese with tart apples. Bacon with everything. Cool morning apple pickings to warm lunches of comfort food. Mmm the perfect pairings of fall! This kind of comfort food always cheers me up a bit, but is delightful for the good times too! Give yourself some time to really enjoy the process. There are so many pleasurable parts of making and baking bread, chopping ingredients, making jam. Cozy up to your stove and let that warmth move through you, too. 

Tomato Soup Bread: 

This beautifully bright red-orange bread has all the flavor of a rich tomato soup. My favorite use: grilled cheese sandwiches, of course! Don’t forget the crabapple and bacon jam; it’s the hidden star of this combination. This bread recipe is based on this herbed tomato bread recipe. I like to braid mine rather than bake it in a bread tin. It looks much more celebratory that way, plus the cut slices look like cute little clouds! 

Ingredients:  

1 ½ Tbs. active dry yeast

½ Tbs. sugar 

⅔  c. lukewarm water

2 Tbs. olive oil 

1 large egg

1 ½ c. tomato paste

4 ¼  c. all-purpose flour

¼ c. beetroot powder

1 tsp. Garlic powder

1 tsp. Smoked paprika

2 tsp. Sea salt

½ c. finely chopped basil 

Extra egg, for the egg wash 

Directions: 

1. Add the water and sugar to the bowl of a stand mixer and sprinkle the yeast on top. Let sit for 5 minutes, or until bubbly. 

2. Add the oil, egg, and tomato paste and blend on medium speed until evenly mixed. 

3. Add the flour, beetroot powder, garlic powder, smoked paprika,  sea salt, and basil to the bowl. Mix until blended into a soft dough (add more lukewarm water if needed.) 

4. Continue kneading the dough until it is smooth and when you poke it, it springs back. Place in a greased bowl and cover. Let rise until doubled, about an hour. 

5. Shape the dough as desired. I worked on a non-stick silicone baking mat but you could also use a pan lined with parchment paper. I divided my dough into 5 pieces and rolled them into long snakes (about 20”), then used the method for a 5-plaited bread. To do this design, pinch the snakes together at the top and fan the bottoms out slightly. You’re essentially going to be doing a normal 3-piece braid on each side while swapping the middle snake out. I’ll explain: take the snake on the outside right and bring it over one snake so that it is the second from the right. Take the middle snake and bring it into the middle of those two snakes. Then, go to the left side of the bread. Take the outer left snake and bring it over one snake so it is second from the left. Then take the middle snake and bring it between those two. Continue braiding until your bread is long and fully braided. Tuck the ends of the snakes under the bread. (Note: watching a video of a 5 plait braid can help simplify the process immensely. There are a lot of free resources on the internet!) 

6. Cover the plaited bread and let rise until puffy, another 40 minutes or so. Meanwhile, preheat the oven to 375F. Whisk the extra egg with 1 tsp of water, then brush over the surface of the bread. Bake until a light crust forms and the middle of the bread reaches 190F on a thermometer in the middle, about 20-30  minutes. 

Crabapple Bacon Jam 

Is it a chutney? Is it a pate? Is it a jam? Who cares. It’s fucking delicious. Cutting the cores out of the crabapples and chopping them up takes a bit of time, but it’s worth it for the bright flavor they add to this savory-sweet jam that is tasty on everything from grilled cheese to roasted root vegetables. 

Ingredients: 

1 ½ lbs thick cut applewood smoked bacon, cut into 1” pieces

2 c. finely chopped shallots 

1 Tbs. minced garlic

2 c. chopped crabapples (seeds and cores removed) 

½ tsp. Ground ginger

¼ tsp. Cayenne pepper

1 Tbs. dijon mustard

½ c. bourbon

⅓ c. sherry vinegar

⅔ c. brown sugar 

Directions: 

1. Saute the bacon pieces in a large skillet over medium heat until crispy. Drain the bits on paper towels but reserve 1 Tbs. of the bacon grease. 

2. Add the shallots and cook until soft and tender, about 5 minutes. 

3. Add the garlic and apples and saute for another few minutes. Add the rest of the ingredients (including the bacon pieces) and stir to combine, then bring to a boil. Simmer, stirring occasionally, until most of the liquid has cooked off. You should have a thick and syrupy mixture. Keep the jam chunky, or pulse it a few times in a food processor to make it easier to spread on bread. 

4. Transfer to a sterilized glass jar and serve immediately, or keep refrigerated for up to a month. 

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